=R_e_a_L_i_z_a_t_i_O_N_s=

how’s hope a dangerous thing? i’ll tell you why…

it’s been a crazy week, so crazy i’ve had enough action and drama for november, craziest week, craziest few months of my life probably, but ill make up for it tonight and tomorrow night, relax, drink, and clear my head…

the crazy week started with a hope, a hope that it’ll be a fun few days ahead, a hope that somehow gives the anticipation of happiness and endorphins running through your veins, a hope that says everything will be alright… hoping all those "feeling" would really happen, that it will surely be a fun few days ahead, you lose your guard, you lose yourself, the usual things you do in an ordinary day suddenly disappears, coz in ordinary days you concentrate, you think twice or thrice so you wouldn’t get into trouble, suddenly you’re not able to do that and that where things got ugly… suddenly you’re careless, why? coz you had a feeling it’ll be a nice a day, you’ve hoped for it, and now you’re anticipating the nice day is happening, and with that, hope becomes a dangerous thing… from there the day you hoped that would go right and lovely, BOOOM, it backfires and pops you in your face…

hope is defined as a desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment…

it is an expectation of fulfillment, expectation of success… that’s where it becomes dangerous, when you expect to win, it’s like counting chickens before they hatch, don’t you ever count your chickens before they hatch, coz you will never be sure if they hatch in the first place or if they hatch at all…

i hope i’ve learned from my mistake, hoping for things to happen, hoping for miracles to happen, i have to be the miracle and it’s me that has to make it happen and not just hope for it to happen…

i’ve never hoped that i’ll find someone here since i got here july last year, i simply didn’t care, didn’t mind im single, not interested all in all… but a few months ago i met someone, cute little funny thing… made me curious, and furious… there i was, no idea who she was… it was the first time i hoped… i hoped to know who she is, what is she about, hoped to get to know her and vice versa… sometimes it would feel so close and yet so far… sometimes you would know who she is, the next minute you’d wonder who your talking to… it’s crazy, you can’t think straight, you don’t know what’s going on, basically nothing’s going on but because your hoping, you feel like there’s somethin going on when there’s really nothing(i hope you get my drift)… then suddenly hope sucks… you hoped and hoped and hoped not realizing your gonna fail 99 to 1, you’ll lose 99% of the time… your hoping to win with an odds of 99% against you… moral is, don’t count your chickens before they hatch… moral is hope can be dangerous…

don’t get me wrong, hoping is not wrong it’s just dangerous, you wouldn’t know that the odds against you might be 99 to 1, meaning out of a hundred times you get in a particular situation you will only win once, and lose 99 out of that 100 times, you wouldn’t know your odds…

its not wrong to hope, coz there are things you can do to make what your hoping for happen, how? YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN AND NOT JUST HOPE FOR IT TO HAPPEN… twick the circumtances… work for it, TRY… and TRY SOME MORE…

i dont know what my odds are, coz frankly im afraid to ask, i have a horrible fear of being rejected and i admit it, couldn’t take it… but im still blessed, i think, that i had a chance to twick the circumstances, i had the chance to know that person, that cute little funny thing… maybe my odds are 99 to 1 against me… but still i had the chance to know the person, all that matters, able to know what the person’s all about… i hoped but i ruined it… and i feel like a schmuck for it coz quite literally i ruined it, not just that particular day but everything…

it’s thanksgiving day by the way, and it’s one of the things im thankful for, the chance, that i ruined, but i still had that chance and im thankful for it… it’s nice that i had that chance, it’s nice that i had a reason to hope even if im 99 to 1 against… it’s good to have that feeling that im able to hope even if it meant i had a chance of only 1 out of a 100…it was nice that i had something to look forward to, something to achieve, to fight for, a motivation, something i’ve never had for a long time… that chance gave me this kind of motivation… very thankful for it… only thing is, i hoped for it to happen not realizing that i can make it happen and not just hope for it to happen, i ruined it, but still my thanks coz i had the chance to make it happen or at least try…

only thing left to do, is not just hope, but to make it happen the next time a chance like that appears…

and now, let’s drink, party, celebrate that chance… made me feel me i had something to forward to… thank you…

let’s party!

thanks for spending time and for the patience of finishing it…

GBY

maRu

about time to make a new entry, this one’s about how we guys think about you girls, how would you know, and how do we know if you feel the same for us…

there are so many ways how would you(girls) would know if we(guys) like you, sometimes it’s almost too obvious coz we just can’t hide it. sometimes so subtle and we’ll leave you thinking and asking yourself if we like you… here are some things too obvious for you not to notice…

1. we stare… if we do that, we’re mesmerized, we’re wondering what is it that’s in you that makes our eyes stick to yours even if your not looking back. we stare coz there’s somethin about you we would want to find out what. BUT staring is rude, so what do we do if we don’t stare? we do "small frequent feeding", it’s when we glance at you for a quick second and look away, do this for about ten times in a minute…

2. we deny… of course you wouldn’t ask us directly, YOUR friends would ask us, and normally we deny. it’s the most commonly used defense mechanism, why is it called a defense mechanism? coz we don’t wanna get caught so we deny… but nowadays denying is not a great idea, it’s a give away.

3. we like to be around you… why? because we wanna know how it feels like being around you, next to you, in front of you, behind you, anywhere around you, it’s a taste of how it feels being with you… it’s a quick fix for our curiousity about you…

4. we keep in touch… we text, we call, we IM you as much as possible but not to the extent that we annoy you, we text if you dont reply we text you the following day, we call if you dont pick up we call next time… but thing is we keep in touch, we wanna hear your voice, we wanna know what’s goin on with you, we wanna be a tiny speck in your lives but at least we get to be a part of your life even just a speck. just to hear your voice is an instant reward for us, so please pick up when we call…

those are the easy giveaways, on to the subtle ways…

5. we worry… we wouldn’t admit that we do worry about you but we think about where you are, what you doin, are you ok, have you eaten, we sometimes ask but not so often, it’s a compliment to you, why? coz we’re thinking about you all the time… not only that, coz when worry about you it means we’re actually starting to care about you… it means we become more attached to you… now we’re getting somewhere…

6. we try to ask you out, now how is that subtle? coz we dont ask you out directly like "wanna catch movie?, grab dinner?" we do it indirectly… how do we ask you out indirectly? why would i wanna tell you that? i don’t wanna get caught… =) 

7. we sometimes (if not all the time) we daydream about you… this, you cannot notice, will never notice, we do it on our time, it’s not a "give away" that we like you coz we wouldn’t admit we daydream about you, if we daydream, we ADMIT TO OURSELVES that we like you…

8. we do what you ask us to do, small favors, etc, we do it without question, we do it coz it wouldnt mean doing somethin for you, we do it coz we want to… sometimes even the most bizarre of requests… =)

9. we keep track of you, we ask around what’s goin on about you, we ask your friends how are you, we just wanna know, the more we know about you the better we feel, specially when it concerns us…

10. we try our best to catch your attention, how do we do that? can’t explain, it’s hard to make a scene out of nowhere, making a blog for them could work…
just hope it wont backfire…

those are just 10 few things we do to tell you we like you, feel something bout you… now how do we know that you feel the same way about us?

the female species are more emotionally mature than we are, so what do we expect from them?

they handle themselves better, they dont easily admit that they like us, they don’t stare sometimes they won’t even look at us coz for them if we catch them looking at us it’s an easy cue that they like us… they handle themselves better coz they wont come close to us, they want us to come close to them, so they wont even go near us, it’s us who has to go near them…

but they communicate well, they respond to our texts, they answer our calls, we sometimes talk alot, even hours at a time, if these happens, you have a slight chance that they like you too… but you never know for sure, why? coz they handle it pretty well, they dont admit easily, coz it’s easier for them when we admit that we like them FIRST rather than them admitting to us… so how do we know if they feel the same for us? WE DON’T… we wouldn’t really now if they like us, they’re good at hiding they’re emotions, remember they’re more emotionally mature… only way we would find out is time, coz in time they’ll admit… if they do then "YAHOOO!" if not, then "oh well"… just hope that they do, give’em time, they don’t wanna get pressured, and we dont wanna pressure them…

ty for spending time,

GBY

maRu