=R_e_a_L_i_z_a_t_i_O_N_s=

im back, i’ve got somethin i need to get off my chest, it’s about a movie that i saw and it’s beautiful…

it’s about sex and relationships, when you first hear about it, sex and relationships is a very broad, very hard topic to discuss coz its everything is based on opinions and experiences, whatever you have got to say about sex and relationships depends on your experience of it. the difference between sex and love…

sex is an id thing. it’s part of instinct like eating, drinking, sleeping… it’s survival… without sex, there’s no continuation of existence, no children to make grandchildren, everything stops. sex is a necessity. this is how animals think of what sex is. just another thing to do to survive. but we define sex differently from them. yes, for us sex too is a necessity but it’s not as easy to do or as easy to get as eating drinking and sleeping. it’s far more complicated than that. sex can be bought but there would not be meaning into it. what matters more is love. having sex with a stranger you just met in a bar last night is different from making love with someone you’ve been in love with in a long long time. no comparison.

love is a leap of faith. it’s like diving in the water not knowing when it’s shallow or deep. there’s no guarantees. if it’s shallow then sure you’re gonna get hurt and paralyzed from the neck down but when it’s deep… how would you describe it? it’s like those carvinal games, some of them are very hard to win and and some are very easy that everyone wins a little prize. that’s the difference between love and sex. sex is the game when everyone wins a little prize and nobody goes home a loser. love is the game that’s very hard to win, it would take you several tries coz its very hard to win, but if you do then you’re gonna take home that life size stuffed teddy bear. it feels a whole lot better than taking home that shitty little plastic keychain. it’s something you have to work very hard on. it’ll take time to get it. and there’s no guarantee of getting it at all.

thanks for spending time!

GBY

maRu

how’s hope a dangerous thing? i’ll tell you why…

it’s been a crazy week, so crazy i’ve had enough action and drama for november, craziest week, craziest few months of my life probably, but ill make up for it tonight and tomorrow night, relax, drink, and clear my head…

the crazy week started with a hope, a hope that it’ll be a fun few days ahead, a hope that somehow gives the anticipation of happiness and endorphins running through your veins, a hope that says everything will be alright… hoping all those "feeling" would really happen, that it will surely be a fun few days ahead, you lose your guard, you lose yourself, the usual things you do in an ordinary day suddenly disappears, coz in ordinary days you concentrate, you think twice or thrice so you wouldn’t get into trouble, suddenly you’re not able to do that and that where things got ugly… suddenly you’re careless, why? coz you had a feeling it’ll be a nice a day, you’ve hoped for it, and now you’re anticipating the nice day is happening, and with that, hope becomes a dangerous thing… from there the day you hoped that would go right and lovely, BOOOM, it backfires and pops you in your face…

hope is defined as a desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment…

it is an expectation of fulfillment, expectation of success… that’s where it becomes dangerous, when you expect to win, it’s like counting chickens before they hatch, don’t you ever count your chickens before they hatch, coz you will never be sure if they hatch in the first place or if they hatch at all…

i hope i’ve learned from my mistake, hoping for things to happen, hoping for miracles to happen, i have to be the miracle and it’s me that has to make it happen and not just hope for it to happen…

i’ve never hoped that i’ll find someone here since i got here july last year, i simply didn’t care, didn’t mind im single, not interested all in all… but a few months ago i met someone, cute little funny thing… made me curious, and furious… there i was, no idea who she was… it was the first time i hoped… i hoped to know who she is, what is she about, hoped to get to know her and vice versa… sometimes it would feel so close and yet so far… sometimes you would know who she is, the next minute you’d wonder who your talking to… it’s crazy, you can’t think straight, you don’t know what’s going on, basically nothing’s going on but because your hoping, you feel like there’s somethin going on when there’s really nothing(i hope you get my drift)… then suddenly hope sucks… you hoped and hoped and hoped not realizing your gonna fail 99 to 1, you’ll lose 99% of the time… your hoping to win with an odds of 99% against you… moral is, don’t count your chickens before they hatch… moral is hope can be dangerous…

don’t get me wrong, hoping is not wrong it’s just dangerous, you wouldn’t know that the odds against you might be 99 to 1, meaning out of a hundred times you get in a particular situation you will only win once, and lose 99 out of that 100 times, you wouldn’t know your odds…

its not wrong to hope, coz there are things you can do to make what your hoping for happen, how? YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN AND NOT JUST HOPE FOR IT TO HAPPEN… twick the circumtances… work for it, TRY… and TRY SOME MORE…

i dont know what my odds are, coz frankly im afraid to ask, i have a horrible fear of being rejected and i admit it, couldn’t take it… but im still blessed, i think, that i had a chance to twick the circumstances, i had the chance to know that person, that cute little funny thing… maybe my odds are 99 to 1 against me… but still i had the chance to know the person, all that matters, able to know what the person’s all about… i hoped but i ruined it… and i feel like a schmuck for it coz quite literally i ruined it, not just that particular day but everything…

it’s thanksgiving day by the way, and it’s one of the things im thankful for, the chance, that i ruined, but i still had that chance and im thankful for it… it’s nice that i had that chance, it’s nice that i had a reason to hope even if im 99 to 1 against… it’s good to have that feeling that im able to hope even if it meant i had a chance of only 1 out of a 100…it was nice that i had something to look forward to, something to achieve, to fight for, a motivation, something i’ve never had for a long time… that chance gave me this kind of motivation… very thankful for it… only thing is, i hoped for it to happen not realizing that i can make it happen and not just hope for it to happen, i ruined it, but still my thanks coz i had the chance to make it happen or at least try…

only thing left to do, is not just hope, but to make it happen the next time a chance like that appears…

and now, let’s drink, party, celebrate that chance… made me feel me i had something to forward to… thank you…

let’s party!

thanks for spending time and for the patience of finishing it…

GBY

maRu

about time to make a new entry, this one’s about how we guys think about you girls, how would you know, and how do we know if you feel the same for us…

there are so many ways how would you(girls) would know if we(guys) like you, sometimes it’s almost too obvious coz we just can’t hide it. sometimes so subtle and we’ll leave you thinking and asking yourself if we like you… here are some things too obvious for you not to notice…

1. we stare… if we do that, we’re mesmerized, we’re wondering what is it that’s in you that makes our eyes stick to yours even if your not looking back. we stare coz there’s somethin about you we would want to find out what. BUT staring is rude, so what do we do if we don’t stare? we do "small frequent feeding", it’s when we glance at you for a quick second and look away, do this for about ten times in a minute…

2. we deny… of course you wouldn’t ask us directly, YOUR friends would ask us, and normally we deny. it’s the most commonly used defense mechanism, why is it called a defense mechanism? coz we don’t wanna get caught so we deny… but nowadays denying is not a great idea, it’s a give away.

3. we like to be around you… why? because we wanna know how it feels like being around you, next to you, in front of you, behind you, anywhere around you, it’s a taste of how it feels being with you… it’s a quick fix for our curiousity about you…

4. we keep in touch… we text, we call, we IM you as much as possible but not to the extent that we annoy you, we text if you dont reply we text you the following day, we call if you dont pick up we call next time… but thing is we keep in touch, we wanna hear your voice, we wanna know what’s goin on with you, we wanna be a tiny speck in your lives but at least we get to be a part of your life even just a speck. just to hear your voice is an instant reward for us, so please pick up when we call…

those are the easy giveaways, on to the subtle ways…

5. we worry… we wouldn’t admit that we do worry about you but we think about where you are, what you doin, are you ok, have you eaten, we sometimes ask but not so often, it’s a compliment to you, why? coz we’re thinking about you all the time… not only that, coz when worry about you it means we’re actually starting to care about you… it means we become more attached to you… now we’re getting somewhere…

6. we try to ask you out, now how is that subtle? coz we dont ask you out directly like "wanna catch movie?, grab dinner?" we do it indirectly… how do we ask you out indirectly? why would i wanna tell you that? i don’t wanna get caught… =) 

7. we sometimes (if not all the time) we daydream about you… this, you cannot notice, will never notice, we do it on our time, it’s not a "give away" that we like you coz we wouldn’t admit we daydream about you, if we daydream, we ADMIT TO OURSELVES that we like you…

8. we do what you ask us to do, small favors, etc, we do it without question, we do it coz it wouldnt mean doing somethin for you, we do it coz we want to… sometimes even the most bizarre of requests… =)

9. we keep track of you, we ask around what’s goin on about you, we ask your friends how are you, we just wanna know, the more we know about you the better we feel, specially when it concerns us…

10. we try our best to catch your attention, how do we do that? can’t explain, it’s hard to make a scene out of nowhere, making a blog for them could work…
just hope it wont backfire…

those are just 10 few things we do to tell you we like you, feel something bout you… now how do we know that you feel the same way about us?

the female species are more emotionally mature than we are, so what do we expect from them?

they handle themselves better, they dont easily admit that they like us, they don’t stare sometimes they won’t even look at us coz for them if we catch them looking at us it’s an easy cue that they like us… they handle themselves better coz they wont come close to us, they want us to come close to them, so they wont even go near us, it’s us who has to go near them…

but they communicate well, they respond to our texts, they answer our calls, we sometimes talk alot, even hours at a time, if these happens, you have a slight chance that they like you too… but you never know for sure, why? coz they handle it pretty well, they dont admit easily, coz it’s easier for them when we admit that we like them FIRST rather than them admitting to us… so how do we know if they feel the same for us? WE DON’T… we wouldn’t really now if they like us, they’re good at hiding they’re emotions, remember they’re more emotionally mature… only way we would find out is time, coz in time they’ll admit… if they do then "YAHOOO!" if not, then "oh well"… just hope that they do, give’em time, they don’t wanna get pressured, and we dont wanna pressure them…

ty for spending time,

GBY

maRu

everytime i go to 15 spring st. i always come across this love verse that hits me everytime i read it… it made sense, it’s true, it’s beautiful… it described love… and i cant think of anything that best describes love other than that love verse… it came from the bible… so there’s no questioning it’s "realness"

but here’s the thing, everyone has their own definition/interpretation of love, one’s definition of love depend on several factors… how do people define love when they’re in a happy relationship? in a bad relationship? how do they define love when they’re just looking for love? or when they’re waiting for love? or when they’re tired waiting for love? how do they define love whe they’re fighting for their loved one, meaning fighting for their relationship to work, fighting for it to become better… i’ll tell you how i define it…but first let’s isolate what are we talking about, im not talking about brotherly love, or parental love, or the love of the church for the people, God’s love, im talking about "partners" love, the whole boyfriend-girlfriend kind of love, the love where we’re all interested to have, to find, to hold on to, and to keep…

so, that’s specific enough…

how i define it may be different from yours, we all have our own interpretations…

love is patience, being able to understand your loved one and have patience for her/him. being patient meaning you won’t be easily offended at times when ur loved one pisses you off, like when he forget’s to call, or when she doesnt address you as her boyfriend in front of her friends (she’s shy or she’s not ready for that yet), or when she goes to a party where he doesnt want her to go, being patient and not getting mad easily for these things… shallows things…

love is acceptance… love is accepting ur loved one for who she/he is… PERIOD. you love her as a whole, not just her eyes, her nose, hair… if you love a person you accept all the good and the bad that comes with it, meaning you accept that person’s intelligence, looks, behavior, but also accept that she’s small, or his breath stinks, or his armpit are horrible or when she has halitosis(but u have to tell her) and you’re too embarassed to tell her, you accept everything… being able to accept the fact that she laughs loud, or he snores and he keeps waking you up at night… everything, you accept her flat nose as she accepts your moon face… and all of these you acccept without talking behind his/her back… meaning when he’s not around, she’s not gonna comment on whatever it is you girls comment on when your boyfriend’s not around… same goes to us when your not around… when girls does it, guys do too… not all of them though and not as often, it’s too girly…

love never gloats. never boast. never keeps count of wrongs. if one is offended and when forgiven, they forget… they dont go talking about it again when things get out of hand. coz it usually happens. "ilang beses mo nang inulit yan""ilang beses ka nang nagsinungaling sakin" (if you love the person you wouldnt lie to her in the first place). " and so on and so forth… you’re not supposed to keep count of wrongs… you dont gloat, you dont boast… when it’s done and forgiven…you forget… and when time comes that it happens again, you’ll have patience, when it happens again, and again, and again, dude you got problems…

love is not a matter of who pays for what… coz i’ve heard it all before, time and time again… who pays for movies, for the restaurant, for cab, for phone bills, sometimes someone owes someone too, its not a matter of who always gives… i mean, come on… it doesnt follow that guys ALWAYS have to pay too,we’re not kids anymore, we’re grown-ups… we’d rather think of the pleasant time we shared with each other than who always pay for what when we go out… for me, its just money, i mean wouldnt you pay for what it costs to make your partner happy? money cannot be exchanged with for the time you’re together, cannot be exchanged for the smile she gets when you give her something… simple as that… money is nothing compared to what your sharing with each other… doesnt matter who pays for what… if you love that person you wouldnt want him to pay for everything anyway…

love is honesty… being honest to your loved one is one of the most important things in a relationship. hands down important. so important that if you lie you’ll end up ruining the relationship. honesty is the simpliest thing to do. and tell you what it’s the easiest thing to do. you just say the truth and nothing will go wrong. no white lies. no cover-ups. nothin. coz saying the truth all the time meaning you’re able to trust.

love is trust. trust meaning you’ll just say "im going out with friends" or "im havin a girl’s night out" and if trust is there, there’s no worrying where he is, who is she with, when will she come back. there’s no worrying about those. trust. trust and honesty kinda goes hand in hand. but there’s a catch, if you say you’re goin out with friends you better be goin out with just friends or else you would have lied. simple for some, hard for hustlers.

love is hard-work. it’s about being able to harmonize yourself with your girl’s or your guy’s life, his/her friends, classmates, co-workers, pets and most importantly parents. oh yes the parents. it’s the parents that’ll make your heart pound like crazy and your life miserable at first… it’s about coming to their place say every week, or every sunday for church, or every saturday night dinner, or whatever it is that needs your presence when its needed. you need to do it coz you wanna be part of their family and bad as you wanna be with her/him. makes sense? one more thing, you being accepted by the parents… that’s something else,i cant even put it in words how it feels… it’s somethin else… imagine your girl’s mom and dad likes you… hmmmm… sweet… i dont know how will you do it but you have to do it, harmonize yourslef to them.

love inspires. it can make you do things you never had any idea you can do. i never thought i can be so patient with someone in my entire life. when you’re in love you can do almost anythin. you’ll be elated, happy, in a good mood, INSPIRED. sounds cheesy but when your there you’ll know what im talkin about. you’ll feel it only when you’re really in love and into it. no flings. no one night stands. not just for booty call. not just summer love. the real thing.

remember about the thing i said about accepting the good and the bad the goes with it? love get’s bad too…

love is unfair. sometimes it’s always somebody who has to give way for the other. one person has to give way in order for the other to be happy. or someone always have suck it up and swallow it just to make things go back to what it used to be. sometimes it’s always you who always forgive, sometimes it’s always you who has to understand the other. "this game is important to me, i can’t come tonight" "i have team pratice tomorrow" and so on and so forth… excuses… it sucks when it’s you who always have to forgive. when will it stop?

but love perseveres, it trusts remember? it has patience, that is what’s good about love. it forgives, not easy to take offense, it perseveres, it makes you do even the hardest things to do including to forgive, if u love a person it’s easy to forgive her/him, it’s beautiful until it becomes too much.

yes, love perseveres, it finds a way through anything to make your realtionship all right again. until it get’s tired. yes it gets tired. and when it gets tired at some point in time it dies, when it dies, it’s gone… and it’s so hard to put it back all together again, it’s hard to bring it back the way it used to be. and when you realize it’s gone it’s too late. it’s hard to put it back. when this happens (breaking up), it’s the hardest thing to do, i mean part of who you are is gone, all those effort to drive her to school, pick her up after work, all the tears, all the time, all the hard work you put on for her/his family….gone. part of you gone. it’s gonna feel like part of you dies. but it’s also important. yes, breaking up is important. coz you realize it’s not worth it anymore. it’s not worth making your life miserable. you’re not happy anymore, it’s too much, you’ve given all the time, given him all the chances, all the space, but still nothing happens. breaking up means you realize that you love yourself too. just stop the unhealthy, unproductive and unhappy relationship and move on. accept that she’s not the one,he’s not the one. realize that you deserve better.

love is a beautiful feeling. noone can live without being loved. so for those of you who has someone, appreciate him/her. appreciate that person. not everybody is with somebody right now so be thankful. tell her/him how you feel, look deep in her eyes and into her and tell her you love her, be thankful coz being with someone is an awesome gift. for those of you who doesnt have anyone, it’s not your time yet, someone will come along, she/he doesnt have to be perfect the way you picture it coz noone is. you just have to be yourself, don’t ever pretend to be someone you’re not just to impress her, coz if you do… you would have lied even before your relationship started. someone is bound to be with someone. don’t force anything. if she doesn’t like you move on. if you’re personalities collide move on. at some point in time the one you’ve been waiting for will come along. for those of you who has given up love, tired of it, think it’s cliche, think it’s a waste, afraid of being hurt. you need a break. it doesnt hurt to be single. at some point in time you’ll find someone. just you wait, you’ll see him, meet her in an unexpected way, meet her through friends, and then it’s your chance at love again. don’t get ever tired of love, it’s the one thing you can’t live without.

we fall inlove, we become a better person, all is good, somethin goes wrong, we compromise and make ends meet, we fall out of love and we LEARN from our mistakes, then we become better a person again. love is a beautiful thing. i can’t wait to have mine…

thanks for spending time, i appreciate it…

God Bless You always

maRu

Shut up and drive, never assume that the road is always smooth, in fact dont expect it to be smooth, matter of fact its hardly ever smooth…

You see in this messed up life you’re bound to go down at some point in time, at some point in time you’ll break your leg, they’ll smack you in the face, they’ll leave you for dead, you’ll make a horrible mistake, you’ll regret what you’ve done, at some point in time you’ll feel like sh*t, and feel horrible about yourself…

Things happen… The only thing you need to remember is that What Dont Kill You Can Only Make You Stronger…

You dont have to look what’s worst in you, you need to look what’s beautiful in you, you need to look at what you’ve done right and convince yourself that it aint so bad living in this messed up world, coz remember that if things are bound to go bad sometimes, then its only fair to say that it will get better, and you’ll only have to look forward to that moment when things are better, coz someday, someway, somehow it will get better… maybe not tomorrow, not next month,not next decade… but if you just shut up drive, stop complainin and start workin, stop slacking and do your business… someday you’ll see, you’ll feel, you’ll live for the better… you’ll breathe in and feel the goodness inside…

In the mean time, until that time, you have to hold on to yourself, compose yourself, never let them see you cry, never let them doubt you, in the mean time seek strength from all around you, coz you never know who or what’s out there that can and will help you, while things are bad thank God you still breathe, you’re breathin, life itself is your gift, the air you breathe is an everyday blessing, think of the people who suffer in war,babies passing away by SIDS,people havin sickness and despair, and thank God your life aint so bad… just appreciate the little things you have, not everyone has a warm bed and a blanket like you do, appreciate the people who help you, appreciate the people around you…coz they’re there to ease things up even just a fraction better, when those things add up it’ll keep you goin…

So thanks to you whose always around and there to brighten my day up a bit, thanks for your time even if you have your own stuff to worry about…Thanks coz you brighten my day in ways you’ll never realize…

Thanks to everyone… and Sorry for my bad…

It all comes down to this, what dont kill can only make you stronger, do what you gotta do, no whining, no slacking, at least try… shut up and drive… just shut up,eyes on the road ahead, that time will come when things are brighter…

GBY

peace

maRu

Pa,

everytime i remember you i cry, everytime i realize i’ve done nothing to help you i breakdown, i’ve failed on my own accord, ive done nothing but to sit my sorry ass at home and wait for nothin, wait for a miracle knowing that miracles happen only when you do something about it and be the miracle…

im so sorry papa, i love you, im sorry that i didnt visit you even if i had all the chances, im sorry we didnt have the chance to talk often, im sorry not to have shared my life with you… if i can turn back time i would, ill tell you everything about me, ill tell you all about my school, my awards, my dancing, my classmates, ill tell you all about the two most amazing people mae and razel,ill tell you all about bruce,shobe, nico and tati, ill tell you all about the times when nico and i played basketball in dapitan complex, ill tell you how pretty tati has grown, ill tell you how atenikka and i look after each other…

if i can just turn back time ill make up for everything i missed in both our lives, i want to be part of your life, not just a mere memory of your last hours…im sorry to have abandoned you…

everytime i remember you i cry, i cry coz i allowed it to happen, im so busy with my life, ive been selfish, i hope i just spent more time with you… ive realized how we are alike, we’re both sensitive, both emotional, we’re both weak, but we’re also both strong at the same time and ill prove it to you someday, ill make up for the time we havent shared our lives, someday i’ll visit you in tabuk and show you what i’ve become, and if ill be blessed with kids ill bring them and tell them how we both look alike…

i could have said this in front of your face, only i couldnt, now that your gone all i have is your memory, and ill hold on to that memory, ill remember how we were, though we are oblivious to one another, though i knew little about you, though we are strangers to one another and though your gone,i havent felt closer to you ever in my life than now… please stay with me, and ill make up for all the time we missed,i want you to stay…

when i look at the mirror i see you behind my face, i see the same sensitive, emotional, weak person that ive seen in you, but i also see the strong person behind the weak one, and that person  is me with you in me… that person is me only alot stronger because of you… when i look in the mirror i see us together in the same face…and as long as you stay home in that mirror you’ll stay safe,safe in my heart, and ill protect you, i love you so much and im sorry…

your memory is in me forever,i love you

your son,

maru

dad,
im still grieving,
its one thing that ur father died,
but its another when you grew up not
knowing him at all,
all i know is that he lived 41 yrs and most of them unhappy and alone,
missing out the part of ur life where
you’re supposed to be beside ur father
makes you ask all the what if’s and could have’s… what if this, and what if that… i could have done this or that but that’s all you can do… ask what if…
so please, when you still have the chance to make things right with ur dad, please do make it right… coz when he’s gone you too will ask ur what if’s to urself… spend time with him while he’s still there…
he may have done somethin wrong to u, or u to him, but in the end ur still family…and family is all that matters,you live and breathe for ur family…
for those who still have the chance to kiss and make up with ur dad, do so…
coz when it hits you that you could have done somethin but did nothin, u’ll blame urself…22 yrs without a father is hard enough, so if u still have him make it worthwhile…

ty for spendin time

GBY

maRu

if there’s a will there’s a way, this almost explains itself and it can’t get any plainer as it is…

it’s easy, let’s put it this way, if you want something or someone so bad then you’ll figure out something to get that something or someone… if you think something is so important to you then you will do everything you can to get it… you’ll find a way, you’ll think of something coz you just can’t let it go… you’ll find a way coz you just can’t not have that thing that is the most important to you… makes sense right?

let’s picture the other way around… coz as they say it "kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan" , scenario is you don’t want it or you don’t want the person. what’s gonna happen now? simple, if you don’t want it you would just make excuses… like making up an excuse not to come to class coz you’re lazy to go to school, tell them you’re sick and skip class… make excuses, like in long distance relationships, since partners are thousands of miles apart, the excuse is "it just wouldn’t work"… dude have you forgotten? if there’s a will there’s a way? distance is just one excuse for saying "it just wouldn’t work"… if that person is so important to you, you will find a way to keep that person, you’ll do something to make it work and not make excuses… simple as that… so please, if there’s something so important to you, or someone so dear to you… DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND DON"T MAKE EXCUSES… excuses are annoying, excuses are pathognomonic signs of quitting… excuses are indications of losing interest… making an excuse is tantamount to admitting defeat… do something or you will lose the thing that is most important to you and all that’s left for you to say is your what if’s , your have’s or have not’s and your if only’s… all that’s left in you is the thought what if?

ty for spending time,

GBY

maRu